15 Ways to Get Hermione Granger's Attention
by Realilly
Summary: Ron is desperate to get Hermione's attention after recent events, so he comes up with 15 wacky plans! So far included are mushrooms, bananas, bling bling, swanky ties, Abercrombie's Wizard Line, and GOTHNESS! Wierd and messed up? OF COURSE! R&R!
1. Recent Events

Ron was thinking in the library, hoping to come up with a plan. He needed to get Hermione's attention! He craved it, the knowledge that she was looking at him and he knew it. Ron loved her, and if she was looking at him…well, it just fed his imagination that she liked him back.

Of course, Ron knew that of course Hermione didn't like him. How could she? She was…well, she was perfect, perfect in every way, and he was just…Ron.

Enough said.

It all really started when…

oooooooooo

_"RON, what are you doing? You should be studying for that Potions exam! I even wrote it down in your planner, and you still don't seem to realize it's tomorrow!" Hermione marched into the library where she met a balancing Ron who was trying to juggle. Ron glanced at her briefly, smiled a bit (or was it a smirk?) and then returned to his act._

_"Hey, 'Mione. Nice to see you too."_

_Hermione sighed, but she knew she couldn't resist the redhead's charm. Did he even realize just how charming he was? Probably not, being Ron. Harry, Fred, George, and Ginny amusedly watched Ron, occasionally cheering him on._

_"What are you even doing, though?" Hermione inquired._

_Harry jumped in. "You see, Hermione, we were playing Truth or Dare when—"_

_Hermione couldn't help laughing. "Oh no, Harry, don't tell me that you taught them Truth or Dare. That's a Muggle girls game!"_

_Harry blushed. "We were bored…"_

_"All right then, what happened after?"_

_Harry, glad to be let off the hook so easily, hurriedly explained what occurred next. "Well, Ron's turn came first and so he chose dare. I dared him to stand on the table, then Fred dared him to stand on one foot AND bounce on the table, and then George dared him to juggle three bananas."_

_"And…?" Hermione inquired._

_"What?" Ron said. He had stopped doing his three dares and had sat down on top of the table._

_"Well, can you do it?" A small smile began to crawl across Hermione's face. Ron blushed, and then stood up._

_"Give me those bananas, George!" Ron said._

_George theatrically gave them to him._

_Ron began to bounce gently on the table, his left leg up—so far so good. But then the juggling…Ron began to toss up the bananas, as they flew up in the air only to land on Ron's other hand, then thrown again. He was actually doing it! Hermione was surprised; she had had no idea that Ron could juggle. Even juggle bananas while standing on one leg and bouncing on top of a table._

_"Can I stop now?" Ron asked, his eyes still on the bananas._

_"Sure!" Harry said, chuckling a bit. Fred and George also nodded their heads in content, pleased with their brother's amusing success._

_"Okay…" Ron murmured, more to himself than to them. The five spectators applauded for him._

_"Um…" Ron said, frowning a bit. "How do I stop?"_

_Fred and George broke out in laughter. Fred recovered. George did not._

_"You just stop, little brother! You catch them in your hands and you're done!" Then Fred went back to laughing, and the girls joined them._

_"Okay…" Ron said again, doubting greatly he would be able to do it without dropping one. Suddenly Ginny spoke._

_"I didn't dare you before, so now I dare you to catch one banana in your mouth when you stop!"_

_Fred and George doubled over._

_**Hermione's watching…I can't mess up!** Ron thought desperately._

_He tossed one banana high in the air and retained a grasp on the other two, one banana in each hand. Everyone fell silent._

_Ron threw his head back, but then his balance shifted and he felt himself losing his balance. The banana fell right into his mouth, and Ron sank his teeth into it so it wouldn't fall._

_**Yes!**_

_But then…_

_Ron began to hop around the table wildly._

_"What's he doing?" Asked a puzzled Ginny. Harry grinned, but only out of amusement. He too didn't know._

_Hermione did. "He's lost his balance!" She giggled uncontrollably. "He's lost his balance and he's trying to get it back!"_

_But she spoke too loud…_

_"RONALD WEASLEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON TOP OF MY TABLE!" Screeched the librarian. Ron was shocked by the voice that was so close behind him. Surprised, he fell backwards over the table, over the chairs, but not quite over the voice._

_"AHHH!" She screamed as she fell onto the floor, Ron on top of her._

_"Oh…I'm sorry…uh…" Ron mumbled. Fred, George, Ginny, and Hermione and Harry were on the floor too, but only because their laughter had consumed them._

_"OUT! NOW!" _

_And they went._

_But later, up in his room, Ron could still feel the warm feeling in his heart that spread to his whole body that came from the knowledge that Hermione Granger was looking at him and laughing._

oooooooooo

And so know, Ron was at the same table where he had been juggling, as if knowing that Hermione had sat there was enough to console him.

Ron was going to think of ways to get Hermione Granger's attention.


	2. Plan 1: GangsterRapper

**(A/N: PEOPLE! REVIEW! PLEASE!)**

Plan #1: Gangster/Rapper.

"Yo, wassup my home doggie?" Ron greeted Hermione two days after the juggling event.

Hermione gaped.

Ron was decked out in bling-bling all over (around his neck, on his fingers and wrists, even around his waist!), baggy shorts that fell to almost his knees (they were denim) and would have exposed his entire butt save the Lakers basketball team t-shirt.

Hermione continued to gape. Then she came to her senses. Was she dreaming? She must be. Ron? Rapper? Ron the Rapper? Rapper Ron? Hermione's brain was paralyzed momentarily by the shock that had taken the form of Ron who had taken the form of a rapper.

Her brain, as smart as it was, couldn't digest the fact that Ron was now a rapper. Or maybe that was why she was so shocked—because she was TOO smart.

"I SAID, yo, wassup?" Ron repeated.

Hermione snapped out of it. "Um…hi to you too? Ron, this is ridiculous. What are you doing? April Fools Day is long gone…"

"I'm just going with the flow, trying to rock and roll, this is who I am, no denying it, kablam!" Ron rapped unsteadily, his arms pumping as if he was a Black Eyed Pea.

More like a Lame Dressed Wizard.

"Um…come again?" Hermione shook her head. Part of her (inside) wanted to roll on the floor with laughter. Had Ron just tried to…rap?

This was too much.

Just then Ginny came out of the girls dorm. She froze as soon as her eyes caught sight of Ron. "Oh my…Merlin's Staff…FRED! GEORGE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BROTHER!" she yelled. Then she collapsed into a laughing fit.

Ron stood there with a sheepish smile on his face.

Fred and George raced out of the boys' dorm.

"Was that you, Fred?" George whispered perfectly audibly.

"No, I thought it might be you." Fred whispered back.

"Well, it wasn't me," George replied.

"Ron, who did this to you and how much were you paid?" Fred asked smoothly.

"Why?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"Because we want to thank them and give them a hundred dollar gift card for Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, of course!" George smirked.

Ron rolled his eyes.

"Hermione, how long has he been like this?" Fred demanded.

"I have no idea, I came out and he was…a rapper!" Hermione confessed, putting her hands up.

"Hey, I'm not just a rapper!" Ron cried.

"Oh, then who are you?" Ginny asked between giggles.

"I'm…well…I'm…"

"He doesn't have an answer to that one!" Fred fake whispered to his sister.

"I do too, I'm just embarrassed!" Ron said guiltily.

"Well then, let's hear it!" Hermione said, hands on her hips.

"Yeah, and after tell us why you became…a gangster person." George said, an amused smile playing on his lips.

"Fine." Ron sulked. What was he going to tell them, that he decided to become a gangster so that Hermione would fall in love with him? Yeah, sure. NOT.

"I'm not a rapper…" Ron said slowly, trying to think. "Or a gangster…I'm…Ron the Wrecker, I shake the flipper man, when the going's tough I'm extra rough and you can't stop me, break me or drop me, you know you want me, come on baby, I'll do anything to get my bling, and—"

"And I think that that's enough," Hermione pursed her lips. Then she joined the rest of them on the floor in tears from all the laughing.

"Ron the Wrecker?" Fred wheezed.

"Yeah, he really wrecks rapping!" George replied.

"Shake the flipper? What the bloody hell's that?" Ginny asked.

"We know we want you to stop rapping, little bro!" Fred said.

"And I think you have enough bling, too!" Hermione gasped.

Ron was deciding at that moment whether he should throw a tantrum, laugh with them, or just stand there foolishly. But then Harry came out.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?" Harry inquired, taking off his baseball cap. It was Dudley's, but no matter how much he had protested that he didn't want it, didn't need it, the Dursleys still forced him to take it.

"Your best friend is now 'Ron the Wrecker!'" Ginny filled in.

Harry studied Ron for a moment. "Here." Harry took the hat, placed it on Ron's head, and then turned it backwards. "NOW you're a rapper. Mind giving me a sample?" Harry asked, grinning widely.

"Sure…yo, I went to McDonald's and I bought a big Mac. I took one bite and I gave it right back. I said, 'Yo Ronald! What's the big deal?' He slapped me in the face with a Happy Meal so I took out my knife, stabbed him in the head, and all the little people said, 'Dang, he's dead.' And all the little people said, 'Dang, he's dead,'" Ron finished.

Harry stared at him. Then he burst out laughing and clapped him on the back. "Nice, mate! You really are Ron the Wrecker."

Everyone was laughing except for Ron (who was smiling, though) and Hermione, who was frowning. She stood up and said, "I wonder what your mother would say if I told her those last few lines…"

Ron quickly stopped smiling. "Oh, no, I think it would be good if, you know, you forgot you heard that part…he he…"

Hermione smiled softly. She couldn't help it. He did look kind of cute…in an odd kind of way…

Plan #1: Gangster/Rapper

**Success**


	3. Plan 2: Smart Gentleman

Plan #2: Smart Gentleman

The next day Ron shed his gangster/rapper skin. It was just a little too unlike him; Ron the Wrecker? No. He emerged as…"SUPER SMART GENTLEMAN!"

"Hello, Hermione." Ron said that morning.

"Hi Ro—did you just say 'hello?'" Hermione asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes, in fact I did. Isn't it looking like a beautiful day? What about a stroll later on in the afternoon?" Ron asked.

"Wha—uh—sure!" Hermione replied, giggling a bit.

**Charming, completely fake attitude?**

**Check.**

**Lame professional smile?**

**Check.**

**Bloody perfect grammar?**

**Check.**

**Great, the whole package is here.**

**Oh, no, you're forgetting the dweeby gentleman-like arm wrap.**

**Oh yeah…**

Ron offered Hermione his hand. "Would you care to join me for breakfast?" Hermione, dumbstruck by this new, sudden, but WELCOME change in Ron nodded her head and wrapped her arm around his.

**Dweeby gentleman-like arm wrap?**

**Check!**

The whole day Ron was like that. Dressed in a navy blue suit with a swanky tie, ironed navy blue pants, black, shiny shoes, and hair slicked back, Ron was acting as classy as he could. Girls were whispering excitedly about his sudden change for the better.

Ron the Loser no more, he was christened Ron the Man.

Hey, it was better than Ron the Wrecker. It attracted more girls, too!

The teachers didn't know how to react. McGonagall was surprised at first when he raised his hand to answer the question. Did he just raise his hand? Merlin's Staff, did RONALD WEASLEY just answer a QUESTION? In CLASS? But then she got over it.

"Would you mind very much passing the bread rolls?" "Oh no, I despise jokes. Puns and subtle ironic terms are so…well…so much more mature. Honestly. How did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, and I don't care either!" "Charmed, perfectly delighted to meet you!" "Actually, I didn't think that the homework assignment was that big…"

Ron was asking for people to pass food, giving his (now smart) opinions on things, acting more mature (how unlike him!), meeting new Hufflepuffs who were keen to be introduced to this Gryffindor that acted like a Hufflepuff, and being responsible with his homework.

**This is SO bloody boring.**

**I know.**

**Then can we stop doing this? Please?**

**If it'll win Hermione's heart over, I have to keep it up!**

**groan.**

But one thing that REALLY shocked Hermione was…

"You know, Hermione, I've been thinking. We really need to put more effort into this S.P.E.W. organization. It's hardly moving along!" Ron said that afternoon.

Hermione froze. This was worse than the rapper/gangster thing. MUCH worse…

"First of all Ron, do—"

"No, no, no," Ron interrupted smoothly, "it's Ronald. Please."

Hermione gaped. "First of all, you want me to call you Ronald. You HATE that name. Second of all, you've been thinking? RON DOESN'T THINK! And you said S.P.E.W., not spew! Are you feeling okay!" Hermione cried.

Ron grinned patiently. "Hermione, I realize that these changes may come as a shock. But I have come to see that the former version of Ronald Weasley is immature and not how I would like to be remembered. I have to change my image in order to feel better about myself. Ronald, not Ron, please."

Hermione felt like screaming. This was just…too weird! Hermione was sorry to say, but she really felt like the old Ron was just…better. Hermione had long since realized she was in love with Ron. She knew she didn't love…Ronald.

It was nice to have Ron as a gentleman. I mean, he actually had an interest in S.P.E.W.! But Hermione wanted Ron. Ron, Ron, Ron. Not Ron-Ron, not Ronnikins, not Ronald, RON. That was all she wanted!

If anyone had told her three days ago that Ron would try to be a rapper, gangster, or a SMART gentleman, Hermione would have said impossible. No way.

Why was Ron doing this, anyway?

Hermione had no reason to believe that it was really because he "didn't want to be remembered as…Ron." That was as stupid as Divination.

"Ron?" Hermione asked timidly. Ron glanced up.

"What is it? I was thinking we could make some campaign posters. And a roster list! We need a roster. I bet so many people would be willing to join S.P.E.W., except they have no idea that it exists! Perhaps one of the teachers would be willing to join the noble cause. That would help promote it further…" Ron SPEWed ideas.

Hermione wasn't listening. She fidgeted uncomfortably, trying to figure out how to say it…

"Ron?" Hermione asked again.

Ron halted. "What is it, Hermione?"

Hermione sighed. So the nickname "'Mione" had gone too? Only Ron made it sound so special…

"I'm sorry, but..."

"But what?" Asked Ron, his brow furrowed. Had his plan gone awry? Did she hate him now? He hadn't thought about that…was it possible that Hermione could hate a smart gentleman? Or maybe Ron wasn't really acting enough like a smart gentleman…

Why hadn't he thought it all the way through?

**Because you're really Ron underneath. And Ron doesn't think things through.**

**Thanks for the moral support.**

**Hey, I'm here for you.**

"Well, Ron…" Ron let her use his name. Not RonALD. "It's just that I kind of liked…the old you better…"

Ron gasped. "I thought that you'd love to have a smart gentleman person! I'm even going to help you with spew! I mean…S.P.E.W." Hermione smirked. "I just…thought you'd like it if I tried to be…more mature." Ron finished, fixing his gaze on his shoes.

"Is that why you're doing all this?" Hermione asked slowly. "For…me?"

"NO, no, NO!" Ron cried hurriedly. "Of course not! Why would I do that? He he…there's no reason for me too…"

**Besides the fact that you love her.**

**Absolutely.**

"But would you mind terribly shifting back to the old Ron?" Hermione asked.

Ron looked her full on and smiled. "Bloody hell, NO!"

Plan #2: Smart Gentleman

**Success**


	4. Plan 3: Model

**(A/N: Okay, I'm sorry but this chapter just turned out to be REALLY LONG. I have NO idea how it got this way, but it did. Sorry!)**

Plan #3: Model

Ron had his doubts about this one. Either it would work fabulously or he would be laughed at. But it was Hermione, and he was determined to do everything in his power to earn her attention. Love would be even better, but Ron was trying not to push it and take it a little slow. Plus he didn't want his hopes to get dashed about her…

Ron emerged that morning wearing an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt.

ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH!

Hermione was already in the common room and was wondering how Ron would look today. What crazy scheme would be today's highlight? she pondered. Well, Hermione resolved, I will expect the worst. I refuse to be surprised.

And then she saw him.

Ron was wearing a PINK, STRIPED, TIGHT FITTING ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH t-shirt. Hermione's mouth was already open. Then she looked down. Ron was wearing shorts that were so low they exposed his boxers. They had red Quaffles, gold Snitches, and black Bludgers on the navy blue print. They were also apparently from Abercrombie and Fitch.

Later Hermione would discover that they had recently opened a Wizard and Witches line.

Ron's shorts were slimmer than usual and were plain khaki. But her eyes were mostly drawn to his boxers.

_Ew! No, just look away!_

_I thought you were determined to expect the unexpected._

_Yeah, well, this is just a bit TOO unexpected. What is he doing, wearing that? And—oh my gosh. WHAT has he done to his HAIR?_

Ron's regularly soft, red hair was styled with spikes with tons of gel slathered on it. Hermione inwardly groaned. Not the hair…not the beautiful red hair…

"Hey, Hermione," Ron said softly as he descended the stairs. At the bottom he struck a dramatic pose and ran one hand through his hair.

Hermione was at a loss for words.

"How do I look? Too sexy for my shirt?" he asked her. Hermione could only nod her head. Then she shook her head with a little smile. What was wrong with her? Couldn't she speak? Hermione saw tons of boys dress like this in the Muggle world; it was only the one boy she happened to love that surprised her so?

Yeah…speaking of which, why did he decide to dress like…some model?

Hermione voiced the question.

Ron gaped. "Hermione, being a model is so much more than just the clothes! You have to have the right skin texture, perfect hair, a flawless face…it's exhausting!"

Hermione smirked. "This could just be a guess, Ron, but I don't think you would really know how tiring it is when you've only been a model for a morning. Unless you've secretly been sneaking off to photo shoots without our knowing?"

Ron blushed.

"Without who's knowing?" Hermione and Ron saw Harry coming down. Harry saw Ron and froze.

"Did you EAT Ron or something, you monster?"

There was an uncomfortable silence.

Then Harry burst out laughing. Hermione joined in.

"Wha—no!" Ron said defiantly. "This is called the art of the body." And much to the gasps and cries of delight from the other girls in the common room, he flipped his shirt off and struck another pose that exposed his whole chest.

HANG on, rewind. Since when did Ron have a six-pack?

Hermione looked away, muttered something about forgetting a couple books. She knew that if she didn't leave now, she wouldn't be able to stop looking at him.

Ron had gone through three new girlfriends by the time that Hermione joined her two best friends for breakfast. Currently the new one, a blond Gryffindor named Stephanie, was sitting on Ron's lap.

She basically summed up the word "chick."

And Ron was the "magnet."

Hermione inwardly sighed at the sight, but decided to get over it.

"Stephanie, baby, would you mind passing me a roll?" Ron's eyebrows rose a little. Stephanie giggled.

"Of course, Rooooooon." She dragged out his name. He flashed her a quick, sexy smile that spurred her on.

Ron hadn't even realized it up to now, but having a girlfriend could make Hermione jealous.

It was working.

Stephanie hand-fed Ron the roll. Hermione was feeling angry toward this girl, but it was a bit more than that too. Jealous, perhaps?

_No! I am SO not jealous of that—that—that girl!  
_

_Yes, you are…_

_No I'm not! Why should I be?_

_Because you like him…_

_Besides that! I don't want to be sitting on his lap feeding him bread!  
_

_You wouldn't like that?  
_

_NO!_

_You are jealous, still…_

Hermione was seething. "Ron?" She tried to hide it and made her voice sound sweet with a fake smile.

He looked at her full on, taking her breath away. "What is it, hon?"

Hermione gaped. "Um, first of all, I have a NAME. I am not some slutty bimbo like that creature sitting on your lap, and I resent being called that."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Whatever, sweet." Stephanie didn't realize that she was being insulted and continued feeding him.

"You can call me Hermione or 'Mione!" Hermione's voice rose.

""Mione," Ron rolled his eyes.

"THANK you. Now, um…oh yeah! Rolls are bread Ron, and thus they have lots of carbohydrates. They make you fatter, so why are you eating them?"

Hermione knew he couldn't battle back with facts.

"Well, HERMIONE," Ron shot daggers at her, "the way that I'M working out, they don't fatten me up but provide me with energy to burn off."

Hermione "hmphed," swallowed a piece of watermelon, gathered her books, and walked away to her first class.

**Ron.**

**Yeah?**

**This isn't good.**

**What isn't good?**

**She's walking away, Ron.**

**I know she's walking away. I can see that.**

**But that isn't good.**

**Why is that not good?**

**Because she's angry at you.**

**I know she's angry at me.**

**…**

**DANG, she's angry at me!**

**And the penny drops.**

**She's not supposed to get angry at me…just jealous!  
**

**Let me think…**

**I'm letting you think.**

**Shut up! Okay, what if she's jealous, but she's showing her jealousy through anger?**

**Hmm…very tricky, that 'Mione…**

**I think you should drop the girls before she gets TOO mad at you.**

**No chicks?**

**No GIRLS.**

**No being fed?**

**What are you, a baby?**

**No nicknames?**

**She didn't seem to like them.**

**Alright…I guess it's time to dump and go…**

"Hey, doll, shove off. It's time to get a new girl…so make like a banana and split."

Stephanie looked injured for a second, but then hopped off and stalked away to talk to her girlfriends about every aspect of Ron.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Hermione, look. I'm sorry." Ron had changed into his regular clothes and it was Charms class. What was the point of pretending that he was a model? He wasn't. He was Ron.

"Where's Stephanie?" Hermione whispered harshly.

"I dumped her."

"Oh, so who is it now? Is the lucky girl Lavender?"

Ron cringed. That was an insult. She knew that he hated Lavender with a passion. Maybe…well, Ron didn't want to jeopardize their friendship just so he could win her love. If there was a chance that he might lose her completely, he wasn't willing to take that chance.

So maybe he should just tell her the truth. That he wanted the lucky girl to be her, Hermione Granger.

"Hermione, I'm sorry. I was…kind of using Stephanie to make you jealous." Ron focused his gaze on Flitwick, not wanting to see her expression.

"Why, Ron?" Hermione whispered, making it sound although she was crying even though she really wasn't.

"Because…you really want to know?"

"Yes…" Was this the answer she had been waiting for? Was Ron going to say it was for her, all for her? Hermione held her breath.

"All right. You'll hate me for it, though…"

"Ronald Weasley, you tell me right this instant!"

"Alright, alright…it's because…you wouldn't help me with Astronomy homework."

Hermione released the breath slowly, trying to control her mixed up emotions. She did hate him for it, but not for what he thought. Well, it was only her stupid, stupid, STUPID feelings' fault. Hermione had hoped for too much.

Had she REALLY thought that he would tell her that he was doing all this for her? Yeah, right. Who would?

But in the end it was only to get revenge at her.

"Well…why did you dump her then? Oh, let me guess, you saw a hotter 'chick.'"

Ron shook his head mutely. What was the point of words anymore? He had lied to her about the Astronomy homework—he didn't care about that. But why was it so hard to tell her the truth? And why did Hermione look so crestfallen? It was probably because she was disappointed in him…disappointed that he was so immature…

"Look, no. That's not what happened. This whole thing has been stupid…it's just that…I like this amazing girl…"

Hermione was trying to blink back tears. She knew she wasn't amazing. Annoying? Yes. A know-it-all? Totally. Too-smart-for-her-own-good? Completely. Absolutely. The fact that Ron didn't like her was too much…

_Oh, snap out of it! Shut up and just stop crying!  
_

_Wh-wh-why?_

_I can't believe that you actually thought he might like you! You stupid, silly girl! You're just as bad as Snape tells you every Potions class! To think that you actually thought that RON WEASLEY might like you—it's just idiotic. You are nothing but a bloody speck of dust to him. To think that you might be more than that to him is outrageous. I never thought you'd be this foolish…_

_I can't help it, I love him!  
_

_Well, you obviously don't deserve him._

_I…I know…_

"Good night Ron, I'm tired."

Ron was desperate. Didn't she realize that SHE was the girl? No, probably not…

"Hermione, it's only 7 o'clock!"

"I'm tired Ron. And…I just need to rest."

"O…okay."

Hermione walked up the steps to the girls' dormitory, then stopped and whirled around.

"Ron, guess what?" Ron jerked his head up.

"What?"

"Love sucks. Good night."

Ron was left in the common room thoroughly miserable.

Plan #3: Model

**Complete Failure**


	5. Plan 4: McDonald's Waiter

**(A/N: To all the people that reviewed this story and put it on their favorites/story alert list, U GUIZ ROXES MI SOXES! THANK YOU! You have NO idea how hard it is to keep writing without inspiration. Or maybe you do…?)**

Plan #4: Waiter

**Okay, I am Ron Weasley and I am out to help all hungry Gryffindors!**

**Can I have fries with that?**

Ron was going to be a waiter, waiting on people hand and foot. ESPECIALLY Hermione, but he would try to make it subtle. He had a notebook in hand, ready to take orders, and even had a McDonalds pin on. Along with a white apron on over jeans and a navy t-shirt. Hopefully Dad wouldn't notice it (the pin) was missing…

**Who's first? **

**Who do you THINK?**

**Oh yeah! Sorry, little brain spat there. Of course it makes sense to get food for Ginny, my sister who's going through her tough O.W.L.'s!**

**Maybe HERMIONE?**

**Oh yeah! Sorry, little brain spat there. Of course it makes sense to get food for Hermione, the love of my life!**

**Good. Now GET IT!**

"Hey, 'Mione. Can I take your order?" Ron asked in the middle of the morning. He didn't know about her, but he was starving. That was one of the reasons why he liked this particular plan—who would notice if a couple fries were missing or a bite was taken out of their hamburger?

Hermione glanced up from her reading. "Um…what?"

Ron grinned. "I'm a waiter. I'm here to help end your hunger!"

Hermione smirked. "You're joking, right?"

"…no…"

"Uh…okay…I AM craving a milkshake….strawberry, please? What, are you going to make it?" Hermione asked incredulously. Ron? Cook?

"Sure…" Ron said, not wanting her to get angry about how he was using the house elves. He rolled his eyes.

Unfortunately, Hermione heard the sarcasm and saw that roll of his eyes. "You're going to use those house elves, aren't you! Never mind then, I don't want one!"

"Hermione, you know I can't cook!" Ron protested. "It'd turn out…I dunno…all wrong and bad!"

Hermione eyed him and thought. "Well…fine."

"Really? You want me to get you a milkshake? Okay, one strawberry shake coming up!" Ron scribbled onto his pad.

"NO! I was just joking."

"Oh…some joke," Ron muttered to himself.

"I heard that!" Hermione said angrily.

"Come on, Hermione…the house elves LOVE to serve!"

"You're using them in a cruel, barbaric way as if you're their master! I'm ashamed of you, Ron!" She cried, throwing her hands up in the air as she glared at him.

"Are you SURE you don't want anything?" Ron wheedled.

Hermione looked confused. "Why do you keep asking me? Should I want something?"

"Oh…well, no reason…fine, I'll just go ask Harry! Someone who APPRECIATES my helpful…ness…"

"Fine, Mr. Model! I guess your career didn't quite take off!" Hermione said desperately, trying to anger him.

She succeeded.

"Don't insult me, Hermione Granger! I told you not to get mad yesterday, but did you listen? NO! You get all huffy and go to bed three hours early!"

"I wanted rest, is that a crime?"

"Maybe it is!"

"In your little messed up world where you never have to think or do anything, yeah, I suppose so! Not like you CAN think anyway, even if you tried!"

"Wow, perfect little Hermione actually has feelings! She can actually TRY to INSULT me!" Ron shouted.

Harry ran down from the boys' dormitory. "RON! HERMIONE! What is going on? Whoa…why are you dressed up like that, mate?"

Ron and Hermione stood facing each other, breathing hard.

"Nothing's going on, Harry," Hermione spat out through gritted teeth.

"Dressed up like what, Harry?" Ron said, still glaring at her.

Harry calmly backed up, not fazed, only a bit annoyed. Why did they always have to argue?

Ron broke off the eye contact and tried to compose himself. "Can I get you anything, Harry?"

"Uh…what do you mean?"

"F. O. O. D."

"Uh…sure…how about a chicken leg smothered with that mushroom cream sauce that we had last night, cheese risotto with sautéed mushrooms, cream of mushroom soup, and a fresh shitake mushroom!" Harry said, smiling.

Hermione's jaw dropped. "Harry, why all the mushrooms?"

Harry smiled blithely. "It's my mushroom day!"

Ron and Hermione exchanged glances, this time united against the mushroom evil that had infiltrated their best friend's body.

"Um…is that all right?" Harry asked, amused.

Ron nodded quickly after recovering, jotting everything down as fast as he could. Hermione gaped at him. "You're actually going to…deliver all that?"

Ron looked at her with an exasperated sigh. "Of course! I'm a waiter. It's what I do, isn't it?"

Hermione shook her head with a small smile, then picked up a book and plopped down into a fluffy armchair.

"Give me a second, 'k?" Harry nodded.

Ron plunged a hand into his pockets and then drew out a Galleon. He tapped it with his wand, muttering a few unintelligible words. Then, with a satisfied smile, he looked back at Harry. "It'll be here right…"

He stared fervently at an empty table that had suddenly appeared. "Right…"

"Right…" Harry said with a chuckle.

"Now!" Ron interrupted, as three platters plopped onto the top, along with a small plate with a large shitake mushroom on top and a bowl of cream of mushroom soup.

"Well…enjoy! I'm off to help other hungry people! Oy, Fred! George!" Ron walked away.

Hermione looked up from her book. "Thanks, Harry…"

Harry was stuffing his face with cheese and mushroom risotto. "What?"

"Thanks," Hermione repeated. "I know you don't have a 'mushroom day', or that you really like mushrooms all that much."

"Your point?" Harry said in a muffled voice, talking with his mouth full of food. However he was smiling now.

Suddenly there was a scream. The two friends' heads jerked to where it came from, and a sight met their eyes: the food for Fred and George had appeared onto a first years' lap.

Their gaze met again. "My POINT is that you only wanted all that mushroom stuff to make us friends again." Hermione thought about that for a second. "Wow. I'm amazed that it actually worked…"

Harry swallowed and then laughed. "I couldn't think of anything else!"

Ron heard the whole conversation from nearby and smiled too.

Plan #4: Waiter

**Success**


	6. AUTHOR'S CHALLENGE

This chapter will all be an author's note. So screw the bold writing. Use your imagination.

Thanks to Nullum Gratuitum (is that right? Something close…), I know have some refreshing new ideas to continue with. :D Thanks! However, as you all know, I have only a few chapters up containing about a third of the "fifteen ways". Thus, I present a challenge to you dedicated readers… ;D

Yes, you all probably know what I'm going to say, so I'll just say it…

Write the next chapter.

Whoever's idea is the most original, best written (like, closest to my writing), and most in character (because mine aren't!!) will get their chapter posted in the story…and get…uh…bragging rights. :D

Have fun! Just email it to me or, if for some reason that doesn't work, send it to me in a PM and I'll put it in a document. I'll expect about ten to fifteen different stories to choose from! I'll give this 2 weeks, so...on November 25th, you should have a new chapter! (Nullum Gratuitum, would you mind terribly not using the ideas you gave me? If you do mind, then just go ahead.)

…I know you all hate me…now...

On your paper...

Get set with your pencil...

WRITE!!!!


	7. Plan 5: Hardcore Goth

Plan #5: Goth

It hadn't taken Ron long to abandon his waiter persona, and he had spent the rest of the day as regular Ron, just to prepare himself for his next plan.

He didn't talk to Hermione much that day, either, but he knew it wasn'a disagreeable silence - it was just amiable. Nothing really needed to be said.

That night, just before heading off to bed, Ron had to talk to Hermione, to settle a few details in his next plan.

"Ah... 'Mione?"

"Yes?"

**Think of something clever to say.**

**I'm trying!**

"...'Sup?"

Hermione resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Is that all you wanted to say?"

"Er, no... Uh, do you ever get really... depressed?" he queried, not quite sure how to phrase his question.

"I..." Hermione seemed to stare into space then, and for a moment, Ron could almost see a deep serenity and sadness in her eyes, but then she snapped out of her reverie. "I suppose so. I've had my share of sadness, just as everyone else has. Goodnight, Ronald."

With that, she hurried up the stairs to her dormitory, Ron calling after her weakly, "It's Ron..."

He was satisfied, but at the same time worried - he could use the subtle but relevant information he had acquired, but it might be risky. Hermione could be, herself, reminded of the sadness of her past that she had barely mentioned.

But, he would just have to risk it.

The next morning, as everyone was now waiting to see what Ron's next charade would be, even the attention-hog himself was shocked with his new idea.

Ron descended the stairs to the common room, amidst the gasps and whispers that started as soon as he was in view.

He crossed the common room, the ends of his baggy black jeans trailing after him (nearly tripping him a few times), and newly dyed black hair falling into his eyes. Black, spiky jewelry hung from his neck, wrists, and yes, even his ears. The least annoying part of his new outfit would have to be the pitch dark T-shirt, depicting a bleeding skull.

"Ron!" Harry cried, as Ron approached where he and Hermione were standing. "What did you do to yourself, mate?"

"A darkness has consumed me, and I have helplessly succumbed to its power. I may never be the same," Ron said in a monotonous tone.

Some people laughed quietly after this remark - they knew that this was all an act, and a few (i.e. Ginny) had even figured out who it was all for.

**I told you they wouldn't buy it.**

**It was your idea, brilliant.**

**Oh yeah... Well, still.**

"Ron?" Hermione asked incredulously. She stared at his hair, now jet black like Harry's. "What's all this about?"

_The hair…AGAIN…_

_Don't you remember? You're slightly annoyed at him. Act nonchalant._

_Not possible, under the current circumstances...ack, his HAIR... _

He sighed. "Must I explain it again? There is a darkness, a sadness inside us all. I have decided to embrace mine."

_I mean, it was bad enough when he gelled his hair..._

_Yup._

_This'll take weeks to wash out!_

_Most likely._

_Oh, I could just..._

_Kiss him?_

_Oh, shut it! Stop trying to end my sentences._

Hermione peered at him a moment longer, then shook her head in exasperation and left the common room.

This caused Ron a moment of panic. Was Hermione already growing used to his attempts to capture her attention? That just ruined the whole point of the plan.

After Hermione left the common room, Ron followed her quietly.

**Why are you sneaking?**

**I don't want Hermione to see me.**

**Of course, she would be SO suspicious if you were to both go to the Great Hall. And at breakfast, too!**

**Shut up.**

Much to Ron's annoyance, gothic girls he hadn't ever noticed before seemed to appear out of the shadows and greet him.

"Hello, Ronald," one remarked dully.

"Hi. Do I know you?" another asked.

"Nobody really knows me," he replied, half of him hating himself and the other half having LOADS of fun with this charade.

"Oh... okay then...cool..."

Once Ron had reached the safety of the Great Hall (none of the girls who took to following him wanted to venture out into the crowds) he looked for Hermione. She was, of course, sitting at the Gryffindor table with Ginny and a few others.

_There he is!_

_Act like you haven't noticed him yet._

_I am...!_

_So that's why you're waving?_

Ron saw Hermione raise her hand to wave to him, and, knowing that he had her attention, decided, 'It's now or never, time to take this all the way!'

**I'm scared.**

**Me too. Who's idea was this again?**

He stormed dramatically toward the Slytherin table and slammed his fists down. "Malfoy!" he bellowed. "This is it. I'm tired of taking sh from you and your pathetic followers!"

Malfoy stood up and regarded him, with cheering and shouts of support coming from the table behind him.

"I'll admit, Weasley, it took guts to say that to my face…or maybe just blatant stupidity. Either way..." He pulled back his arm and threw a powerful punch.

And Ron was down, just like that, eyes wide and blinking.

The Slytherins laughed as a few of Ron's friends helped him back to his own table.

"What did you do that for??" Hermione cried. She didn't bother disguising the concern and worry in her voice.

"I... I was being hardcore goth," he replied, fighting to remain conscious.

Hermione frowned down at him. "Ron, goths are sad, not angry. And why the sudden need to be gothic, in the first place? Don't you feed me that 'darkness' story again!"

After a moment's hesitation, Ron explained. He would tell the truth this time—well, more truth than he had shown last time (with the "Astronomy" excuse), "You said, last night, that you felt depressed sometimes. I was trying to show sympathy."

Hermione's expression softened immediately. She looked him in the eye and found that he looked quite truthful.

"That's incredibly unnecessary of you, Ron... but also very sweet." She bent down and kissed him on the cheek, then hurried out of the Great Hall, trying not to think about his freckled skin or the gasps and open mouths that followed her.

Plan #5: Goth  
**currently lost in daze **

**A/N: applauds That was Nullum Gratuitum's fic! Yes, I did change a few lines…well, I never CHANGED anything, only added a few thoughts. ;) Bravo! Her characters (Hermione most of all) was MUCH more in character than mine, and I loved her idea.  
**

**Thanks to ronNmione, who also submitted a story. I will most definitely be using that idea in the future! applauds**

**I know, it looked like I had abandoned this fic, and then I didn't post the winners chapter until almost 2 months later…blush Well, I hope this wonderful chapter ;) made up for it! If I was reading this fic, I know that I would have thought it did!!**

**Until the next update...(REVIEW WITH IDEAS, PLEASE!!!)**

**-ckontowderdon32**


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